Sunday, 13 March 2011

More Arranged Mad-Rage

Another excerpt from conversation with a potential groom Mr B:-

Vital Stats: Convent educated from Kolkata, he was calling from Singapore, HR Professional

Me: You say you are posted in Singapore for the next few months, whereto after that?

B: I could settle anywhere in the world..

Me: So, does that mean you could settle in England?

B: Yes, but Hull can't afford me..

Me: [Eyebrows coming closer] What do you mean?

B: I am very expensive, are there HR jobs in Hull that pay over £100,000

Me: Hmmm, no I don't think so... [Trying not to react to the obvious showing off]

Me: However, you could work in London?

B: Yes, I could work in London..

Me: So would you try that?

B: Ultimately, I'd like to settle in Mumbai. You would like Mumbai.. You could be a professor in Mumbai... Would that be such a bad thing?

Me: No it wouldn't. however over there I would have to start from scratch, whereas you've worked in UK, so you already know the system here...

B: Well, whenever I am in London; I get this allergy..

Me: Allergy!? [Fearing the worst sort of Hay fever, when patients can't breath and need to be admitted to hospital]
What kind of allergy? [Sounding evidently concerned]

B: The cold.


B: [repeats himself] I don't like the cold in London.

Me: [! Gobsmacked! Dislike = allergy????
In addition, because he doesn't want to put on some warm clothes and turn up the heating, I am expected to relocate and start from scratch in a totally different and new city??]

Outcome: As my friend Jo would say - 'one word - bin '.

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Arranged Mad-Rage!

Having hit 30 and finding myself single and more importantly under pressure from the mother, I finally signed up to certain matrimonial websites - reputed to help you find the 'good' 'Indian' brides and grooms. Most of the girls in the advertisement look straight out of a Saans-Bahu serial (Indian soaps on mother-in-law & daughter-in-law dynamics where the ladies wear very heavy jewellery, make-up and ornate clothes even while sleeping)...rather unreal and unlike what I or any of my photos look like....well that's besides the point...

Soon enough I start meeting these 'unique' (for want of a better terminology) men....

An extract from one such meeting is presented below:

Meeting Mr A:

His vital stats: Doctor - more precisely surgeon - 35yrs - 5ft 10 inch - clean shaven head (which is irrelevant, but felt like revealing this vital stat...)

A: So this MBA - is it worth anything?

Me: I should think so, depends what you want to afterwards

A: Yeah but does the UK MBA it have any value in America.... (bearing in mind this conversation is taking place in the UK)

Me: (Straightening up and paying attention on suddenly realising I had been appointed the MBA representative for UK!!!!) Ummm well it should, but America has it's own MBA so I'm not so sure.....(still contemplating....)

A: What about the Middle East?

Me: Yes the UK MBA definitely has a lot of value in the Middle East - a lot of students come to do MBAs from the Middle East..

A: Ya that's because all the people in the Middle East are stupid!

Me: (Taken aback...but trying to keep a straight face and thinking of a sensible way to respond)..
No, I know some very bright students from the Middle East....

A: Oh no, they are idiots - they don't know how to do anything!

Me: (Still surprised at supposedly 'educated' and 'well qualified' surgeon's ludicrous blanket statements) I don't think a whole race can be labelled as intelligent or unintelligent - it could really sound racist.. (carefully selecting my words)...

A: Oh no, I'm not being racist - I'm just saying they are all dumb.. You have become like English people... (Become??? Reader - please bear in mind, this man is meeting me for the first time!)

Me: It's not about being English, all nations and races have some very intelligent people and some who are not so intelligent, just like India or here.... calling people from any race stupid is really not right....

A: No, I'm not being racist, I'm being regionalist!

Me: *Smirk* (Thinking: Yeah makes all the difference!! Wondering - how long this will last and pretty much making up my mind not to see this guy again....)

A: You have become very English - I don't want to be like English people, I want to be Indian...

(Since when did calling other races 'stupid' become the Indian thing to do????!!)

Me: I'm being politically correct............................................

After that my memory fades..................................................

Needless to say - friends, you will not see him anywhere near my wedding venue!

Disclaimer: This post is no judgement on the capability and intelligence levels of people from the Middle East or any other part of the world!